The Joys and Challenges of Change

I have been noticing lately how very difficult it is for us to change at times. Sometimes couples get discouraged and feel hurt with their lack of progress in counselling. They come in together with the desire for change and have now learned the tools for change, but have difficulty moving towards their desired change.

It seems as if we are conflicted as humans about our reach for wholeness. We want it, knowing the consequences of not changing, but we can sometimes feel as if it might be more demanding than we can handle and we run from it.

We are quite ingenious in the way that we do that. We can use our anxiety to numb us from change, we can use fantasy, dreaming about what could be instead of what is, we can move towards depression or sideways into evasion and avoidance through overwork, living through our children, addictions and many activities. All this to avoid the fear of wholeness in our lives.

If you find yourself in the above description, that knowledge will be helpful to overcoming the blocks to change. Understanding your default position in the fear, helps you to choose (look at things differently) to overcome it. Assessing the risk differently. Understanding where you become overwhelmed with the idea of change, helps you to break down the whole into pieces. Choose just one thing to change in the week. Make it a change that will make the most difference. That might be the most uncomfortable, or make you feel the most vulnerable, but again assess the risk of the discomfort against the consequences of staying the same in your relationship. It is okay to feel uncomfortable. You will survive that. The discomfort you feel when your relationship is not working well far outweighs the risk of the vulnerability inherent in change.

And what about the hope in change and the excitement of opportunity in change? Beginning a change of mind about change will help to move you forward to the wholeness in you and your relationship that you long for. Be encouraged by this and Go Forth and Be Wonderful!

Sometimes forgiveness stands in the way of our personal wholeness – “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you” Lewis B. Smedes.

Click here to read the article on Forgiveness.